How can Marvel possibly top Avengers: Endgame, the eagerly-awaited culmination of 10 years’ worth of post-credit scenes? Well, they could start by doing something about the recent surge in Avengers’ members. What started out as a prestige squad of six A-list superheroes has rapidly expanded into an unwieldy mass of approximately 347 intellectual properties. While strength in numbers might be appropriate when you’re up against a purple-headed finger-snapper like Thanos, when you’re dealing with more mundane global threats it all gets a bit unmanageable. You’re supposed to fly around in a Quinjet, guys, not a Millennijet!
Avengers movies should do what Avengers comics have done for years – namely, split the team up into smaller, more easily managed spin-offs. There’s no shortage of comic titles that Marvel can adapt, including West Coast Avengers, East Coast InterCity Avengers, Secret Avengers, Indiscreet Avengers, New Avengers, Vintage/Pre-Owned Avengers, Young Avengers and Menopausal Avengers. And why stay in the USA? What’s to stop them from launching an Avengers franchise based in the superhuman Heart of England? After all, the West Midlands famously has more Nostalgia and Comics shops than Venice.
Here, then, is my proposed line-up of West Midlands Avengers:
Brum-born WW2 squaddie Sid Riley was pumped full of Captain America-style performance-enhancing drugs, turning him into our very own regional shield-slinger. Unlike Steve Rogers, however, Sid missed out on the whole decades-frozen-in-ice part of the deal. As a result, he’s now just a grumpy, uncouth but impressively-ripped old git with embarrassing right-wing opinions and a cool shield.
Current status: when we last saw Captain America he was dealing with the tragic aftermath of Thanos’ fatal finger snap; when we last saw Captain Midlands he was on the number 11 bus grumbling about HYDRA and Brexit.
(And, yes – this really is a genuine Marvel Comics superhero and not just something made up for shits and giggles. There’s more about him here.)
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Last update on 2020-07-10 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Birmingham Iron Man
Marvel’s Iron Man is a former arms dealer who finds redemption in expensive suits of armour and hubris. Birmingham’s Iron Man was a rusty metal statue that stood at the end of New Street at a funny angle.
Current status: when we last saw Marvel’s Iron Man he was lost in outer space; when we last saw Birmingham’s Iron Man he was being moved to some top secret council storage facility to make way for the Midland Metro extension. Tony Stark has a better chance of making it back alive.
With his mighty hammer Mjolnir crushed to bits by his stroppy evil sister, Thor had to travel to dwarf realm Nidavellir to get a custom-built replacement from the wee fella from Game of Thrones.
This time-consuming subplot would have been unnecessary for Solihull-based Thor Hammers since they stock a wide range of Uru metal mallets.
The last time we saw the MCU Hulk he was noticeably camera shy as a result of having his green arse handed to him by Thanos.
The last time we saw Coventry’s Hulk he was getting arrested for selling Bolivian marching powder outside the Skydome while painted green.
Ward End Black Widow
In Avengers: Infinity War, the lethal Black Widow and Wakandan warrior woman Okoye go toe-to-toe with Proxima Midnight. If you were ever to encounter an evil intergalactic henchwoman in East Birmingham then you’d probably want to have Ward End’s Black Widow Martial Arts Academy in your corner. Offering classes in Muay Thai Boxing and Mixed Martial Arts, it’s the kind of place that’ll put some red in your ledger.
(Black Widow Martial Arts Academy was previously based in West Bromwich, where we like to think it shared some mysterious backstories with West Bromwich Hawkeye)
West Bromwich Hawkeye
MCU’s Hawkeye is often dismissed as the world’s most unreliable Avenger. In the first movie he was brainwashed by Loki who made him believe he was Maureen Lipman. Later, he endangered the people of Sokovia by inviting the Avengers to his farm during Age of Ultron’s second act, which he later admitted was lambing season. More recently, he missed out on Infinity War after accidentally flushing his arrows down the toilet.
By contrast, Hawkeye Electrical Wholesalers have consistently provided goods and services to the people of West Brom for over a decade. That makes them more reliable than the MCU’s Hawkeye or even Alan Alda’s Hawkeye from M*A*S*H.
West Bromwich Falcon
One of Captain America’s most loyal allies, the high-flying Falcon is well known for his quick-wit, resourcefulness and state-of-the-art military issue wings. While West Brom’s Falcon Panel Products is in no way affiliated with Captain Midlands or any other fictional comics characters, it is nevertheless widely respected amongst timber manufacturers for its quick-wit, resourcefulness and state-of-the-art military issue wings.
“Spider-Man, Spider-Man – does whatever a spider can!”
But does he really? For instance, he probably doesn’t chomp on his nearest and dearest, terrorize Australians or shoot webs out of his arse. A more accurate theme-song would go: “Spider-Man, Spider-Man – does numerous things a spider can, but with certain key exceptions.” Alas, such considerations were not lost on aspiring singer-songwriter and Mad Titan, Thanos, who recently disintegrated the Arachnid Avenger in a petty display of lyrical pedantry.
Birmingham’s Spider-Man, by contrast, was a young Brummie who dressed as the illustrious wall-crawler and gave food to homeless people. He became our friendly neighbourhood superhero and Miles Morales would be proud of him.
(So will Peter Parker when he finally stops being dead.)
- Polish Release, cover may contain Polish text/markings. The disk has English audio and subtitles.
- Shameik Moore, Jake Johnson, Hailee Steinfeld (Actors)
- Bob Persichetti (Director)
- Norwegian, Finnish, Danish, Swedish, English (Subtitles)
- Audience Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Last update on 2020-07-10 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Marvel’s Vision is a heroic, Infinity Stone-powered android who can control his body’s molecular density at will. To put it another way, he can walk through walls and is really good at dive bombing in the deep end of the swimming pool.
Birmingham Vision is a local charity who provide help and support to blind and partially sighted people in the area. They do great work and help change people’s lives and you can make a donation to them by clicking here.
I searched high and low but couldn’t find a West Midlands War Machine. Luckily, there’s a Kenilworth-based company called Warwick Machine Tools, so at least we have a Warks Machine.
Due to space limitations I couldn’t feature the area’s numerous Quicksilver Amusement Arcades. Every single one of them will be included in a future edition, along with a Stirchley Scarlet Witch (if I can find one).
This is an significantly expanded and much more preposterous version of a thing I originally did for Time Out.
Avengers Assemble at Amazon
- Kids can role-play as Rescue, Black Widow and Hulk with a missile-shooting helicopter building toy and reimagine Marvel Avengers: Endgame battle scenes against 2 enemy Chitauri and a posable Leviathan
- Includes 4 minifigures, a cool Hulk action figure, a helicopter with triple stud shooters and function to drop Hulk into battle, plus the Chitauris’ Leviathan and stud-shooting flyer to stage epic aerial encounters
- Rescue aka Pepper Potts has Power Blasts for action play and Hulk comes with the Infinity Gauntlet glove with 4 collectible Infinity Stones; the other Infinity Stones are in the Avengers Compound Battle (76131) set
- With cool action figures and models that are fun to build and great for solo or group play, this popular 482-piece building toy makes a brilliant gift for kids aged 8+
- The helicopter building toy measures over 4” (11cm) high, 9” (25cm) long and 7” (19cm) wide, and all the models and characters combine brilliantly with other LEGO Marvel sets for even more superhero role-play action
- Pre order Marvel’s Avengers on Amazon.com to receive a digital copy of the game’s first prequel comic, Marvel’s Avengers: Iron Man #1; Written by Jim Zub, art by Paco Diaz, with cover artwork by Stonehouse, the road to Marvel’s Avengers begins here
- Pre Order for Beta Access, Marvel Legacy Outfit pack, and exclusive nameplate; Beta registration code sent within 2 days of order; Must be shipped from and sold by Amazon; Actual platform availability and launch date(s) of Beta subject to change
- Available on September 4th, 2020 for PlayStation 4, plus PlayStation 5 owners can upgrade to the PS5 version of the game at no additional cost; Players can also enjoy cross-gen play between PlayStation 4 and PlayStation 5
- Marvel’s Avengers is a unique take on these iconic Super Heroes, including Captain America, Iron Man, the Hulk, Black Widow, and Thor; Unlock powerful skills and new gear to build your ideal version of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes
- Up to 4 players can assemble online to defend the Earth from escalating threats
- Build Tony Stark's Iron Man Hall of Armor with a rotating podium, detachable modules that can be combined and stacked in many different ways, plus a posable Igor Suit mech with minifigure cockpit and mobile robot toy
- This fun Marvel building toy includes 5 minifigures: Iron Man MK 1, Iron Man MK 5, Iron Man MK 41 and Iron Man MK 50 (plus Tony Stark face and hair elements to attach to your chosen Iron Man suit) and 2 Outrider action figures
- Iron Man Hall of Fame lab measures over 5 inches (13cm) high, 13 inches (35cm) wide and 6 inches (17cm) deep with modules in standard formation; Igor Suit Mech measures over 3 inches (9cm) high, 1 inches (5cm) long and 3 inches (9cm) wide
- 524 pieces- Iron Man toy set for boys and girls aged 7+ and for fans and kids; This LEGO Marvel Avengers Iron Man Hall of Armor 76125 building set for kids can be built together with all other original LEGO creative toys and LEGO bricks for creative play
- Recreate exciting action scenes from the Marvel Avengers movies with this buildable superhero toy
- Amazon Prime Video (Video on Demand)
- Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo (Actors)
- Joss Whedon (Director) - Joss Whedon (Writer) - Kevin Feige (Producer)
- English (Playback Language)
- English (Subtitle)
- Kids can build their own Avengers Compound with this action toy featuring a 2-level office, laser-beam safe, spring-loaded and stud shooters, Then they can use the toy helicopter and offroader car to help fend off the Outrider and Thanos figures
- In addition to the toy building, this set comes with toy vehicles and 4 Marvel minifigures including Iron Man, Captain Marvel, Nebula and an Outrider, Plus, Hulk and Thanos big figures and an Ant-Man microfigure for hours of pretend play
- This LEGO Marvel Avengers: Avengers Compound Battle set is the perfect Avengers Gift for any kid who loves superhero toys, Plus, this Avengers set can be built together with all other original LEGO building sets and LEGO bricks for creative play
- This superhero toy lets kids recreate their favorite scenes from the Marvel Avengers movies, Boys and girls aged 8+ can save the day with this Marvel battle toy or create their own superhero adventure
- This 699 piece building set measures over 6 inches (17cm) high, 11 inches (29cm) wide and 7 inches (20cm) deep; Toy helicopter measures over 3 inches (9cm) high, 5 inches (14cm) long and 1 inches (5cm) wide; Offroader toy car measures over 2 inches (7cm) high, 4 inches (11cm) long and 2 inches (6cm) wide
Last update on 2020-07-11 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API